The Revenge of Pinky
Short Story / Written 12/19/99 / Rated PG

Wow, a story from junior high! This one was written for a class, though I have no idea what the objective of that assignment was xD I had a lot of help from my dad, so it's a lot better than it would have been had I written it completely on my own. It's a story about a battle between me and a pet hamster who could rival Chucky in a horror movie.

Let me tell you about myself. I am sixteen years old, and I like to do all of the normal stuff a teenager does. But weird things seem to happen to me, though. I don't know why. Whenever I try to explain this to anyone, they either laugh or move away quickly. The story I want to tell you may seem farfetched, but it's not. I guess you'll have to judge for yourself.

It all started one weekend in December. My family left me in care of the house and everything in it, including my sister's pet hamster, Pinky. I never liked Pinky. He was mean, he was fat, and he was very vicious. Once, he managed to escape from his cage and he chewed up my art project. I threw him out of my room and swore to destroy all of hamster-kind after that.

This particular weekend started out okay, I guess. Since I'm not much of a cook, I had filled our pantry with "Cup 'o Noodles". I had also been to the video store to rent all of my favorite flicks. I was excited to be spending a night all by myself.

I put a teapot on the stove and started to heat up the water for my "Cup 'o Noodles" when the phone rang. I shuffled over to pick it up and recited my usual greeting, "Hello, Anderson residence."

There was nobody there.

"Hello?" I repeated with concern.



"Beware!" the hollow voice cautioned.

"Who is this? Okay, joke's over."

"Beware!" Click, the line went dead.

Whoa! I thought as I set the phone back in its place. It was probably Jenn, I thought. I'll just call her back and do the same thing to her. I picked up the phone and started to dial when I realized that there was no dial tone. The line was dead! My first concern should have been for my own safety, but I suddenly realized...

AAACCCKKK! My Internet access! I fell to the floor in tears. I have no access to my email, to instant messaging, or even worse... to my stock portfolio!

I managed to pull myself together so I could finish preparing my lunch. As soon as my bare foot touched the rug in front of the sink, a large growling noise shattered the silence of my seemingly empty home. Unable to contain my fear, I bolted across the kitchen and hit the stove. I cooled down when I realized it was the garbage disposal, but I was still worried about it starting on its own.

When I walked towards the sink, the garbage disposal slowed down to a stop. I blinked in surprise. I decided to get closer to see if it was defective. As I approached, it started up again. It must be broken, I decided as I threw a carrot down the drain. It stopped so I went back to making my meal.

I was still a little freaked out about the recent happenings so I decided to calm myself down by watching one of my favorite movies. I looked through my stack that I had brought home from the local Blockbuster. Let's see, Young Frankenstein, Child's Play 6, Austin Powers, and Land Before Time. Why'd I have to rent all horror films? I set the movies on the ground. I guess watching one won't hurt!

I placed Austin Powers in the machine and attempted to lower the lights. I flicked the switch but nothing happened. Hello? I mumbled as I switched the light switch up and down repeatedly. Come on! I can't watch a horror film if it's not dark!

CRACK! A huge lightning bolt flashed causing me to nearly wet my pants. Suddenly, the room became dark, even though I was nowhere near the light switch. My pupils slowly dilated and I looked towards the light switch. It was still in the ON position!

My knees started to quiver as another bolt of lightning lighted the room. A shadow fell across the floor and began to take form. I wanted to scream but my mouth wouldn't open.

The shadow finally took shape. It looked like a monster! My mind stared to race. I had seen this monster somewhere before.

"Jessi..." said a deep voice from above me.

My teeth chattered as all of the recent happenings flashed before my eyes. I looked above me towards the voice. Suddenly, the source of the eerie voice jumped from the back of the couch and landed on my face! My mind snapped!

"AAAAGGGGHHHH!" I clawed at the thing on my face and launched it against the wall. I hunched over to catch my breath and to let my mind return to a state of relative calm.

I heard the same eerie voice groaning in the general direction of the TV. I opened my eyes slowly. The room was still dark but my eyes had adjusted. A lightning flash revealed that I was not alone. There was something over there.

I grabbed the TV controller for protection and slowly made my way over to the TV. This won't work. I thought, It's too dark to see anything! Then an idea came to me.

Click! I turned the TV on. Its glow filled the room with a ghostly light but it was better than wandering around in the dark. I moved closer to the small figure at the foot of the TV. At first I thought it was a grenade so I took caution.

When I got closer, I stopped dead in my tracks. The figure that was now lying by the TV was none other than my sister's delinquent hamster!

"Pinky!" I yelled, as I briskly walked over to the rodent and picked it up by its scruff. "What are you doing out of your cage?"

The hamster opened one eye and smiled. "Isn't it great that we can be together like this? We can have some real bonding time."

"Be quiet, or I'll call Animal Control!"

"Go ahead, I dare you!" the irritating little flea factory taunted.

"Just watch me!" I boasted, as I stormed over to the phone and picked it up.

Pinky just grinned. He knew I couldn't make the call. He leaped onto the coffee table and grabbed a tiny statuette of the Eiffel Tower. "Put the phone down if you value your life!"

I glared at the small hamster holding the miniature French landmark. "Don't kid yourself, Pinky. That tower's as big as you are!"

Pinky glanced at his weapon. He must have agreed with me as he seemingly closed his eyes in defeat. I smiled triumphantly and put the phone to my ear. Oh no! I panicked. I forgot the phones were dead!

Just then the pint-sized engineering marvel whizzed past my face and crashed into the wall. I caught my breath and spun around. The tower was deeply imbedded in the wall and it had missed the tip of my nose by less than an inch!

I looked over to Pinky. He was still in his baseball position. "Don't underestimate me," he warned. "Just because I'm small doesn't mean I'm not as strong as you are."

I calmed myself down. I could crush him in a split second.

"What do you want?" I asked him.

"I want world domination, a small coke, and a Statue of Liberty cigarette lighter."


"You heard me. Being stuck in a cage all day can rot a person's brain. I've been sneaking out at night to educate myself. I've already read all of your sister's books, and I was looking for some of yours that night that you caught me."

"So why'd you chew up my art project?"

"Midnight snack."

"You stupid hamster! If you think you can rule the world, you'll have to get by me first!"

"I was thinking the same thing." Pinky smiled wickedly as he produced another souvenir to brandish as a weapon.

Unfortunately for him, I had been planning my attack. It was a long shot but it had to work.

I remembered the time my sister tried to give Pinky a bath. He totally freaked out and even stopped breathing. She and I decided that water must be Pinky's greatest fear and ultimately his weakness. It was kind of sad, but I knew that the only way to stop him would be to somehow drench him.

I ran into the kitchen and he followed me. I jumped out of the way in hopes that he would fall into the sink but he avoided it.

"Ha!" he said. "I'm not that stupid!"

But I was ready to counter attack.

SPLASH! My leftover water from my "Cup 'o Noodles" was left in the teapot. By now it had cooled off and I remembered it at the last minute. He was now completely drenched.

The second the water hit him, he froze and fell to the ground. It was like I had turned him into a statue. I looked at the little varmint lying on the floor with the Devil's Tower salt shaker in his hand. It was pretty pathetic.

"No more caffeine for you, mister," I said as I picked him up and wrenched the shaker from his little paws.

By the time my family came home the next day, everything was fine. I had cleaned up all of my messes and the house looked nice. My sister didn't even notice that her hamster was duct taped to the side of his cage!

Although I know that I am probably safe, it is still pretty difficult for me to walk past my sister's room. After all, there is a hamster with a thing for corny souvenirs, and he has a score to settle with me.